I am the vine- Remain in Me

As a child of God I am not living for love rather I am living from love. This week my friend Cassidy confronted me about my relationships. We were talking about who from our group would be going to Germany and who from our group would be going to nicaragua. She asked me who I was closest to on the Germany team and I knew where she was going. Cassidy has been the friend in SOMD who knows me the best and normally will see issues in my life that I am blind to. She will lovingly confront me on these issues as I her’s. Cassidy is a lot like me so developing a relationship happened organically back at the beginning of DTS. However the other girls I have more surface relationships with. I know many things about them but when it comes to allowing them to know me I am distant. This conversation brought up painful past experiences with friends in which I was simply cut off. I spent much of my highschool years developing these friendships but when I went through a difficult season in my life I was left to fend for myself. Now over DTS God healed me of this through forgiveness and showing me how my friends were an idol in my life through highschool. My identity was so tied to their opinions of me and that constance of our relationship that I had completely lost my identity. He used that very diffcult season to bring me back to Him and to find my source of identity in truth. However even though my heart had been healed the enemy was still having his way with my mind. He simply had convinced me that settling with just a few close friends and family were all the relationships that I needed. Anyone else was not worth the investment because they would just end up hurting me in the end. In talking this over with Cassidy and even in writing this now I can clearly see how the ridiculousness of my thought life when it came to relationships. I was living in fear of man. Man was still controlling me. I didn’t recognize it at first because the enemy is sly and had turned the tables on me. Rather than tempting me to try and please my friends he was tempting me to hide who I was. Both had the same effect on my life and both stemmed from not knowing and believing God’s love toward me. God told me this week though when I asked Him how He viewed me, “Hilary, our relationship started with me dying for you because you mean that much to me, and this is my covenant with you and I am with you for the long run.” I was astounded by God’s words and my heart stood still at the significance of his words to me. Not only did His statement take our relationship to a deeper level but it gave me a whole new perspective toward those around me. I had a new desire to love them. I mean really love them. Not for how they could make me feel or do for me but because God feels the same way toward them. This is the beginning to a whole new season in my life, brought about by the healing of God’s love. A season of sincere love! I am so thankful for faithful friends, a loving God and new beginnings!

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